It’s weird when parents say their baby has a friend. Your baby doesn’t have a friend. They don’t even know what a friend is. They know what a non-friend is; it’s someone who takes candy from them. You are just putting adult concepts onto a non-adult creature who really only cares about where their next meal is coming from and who is going to put the dummy back in their mouth at 2am. And at 2:10am, 2:30am, 2:55am and so on. It’s the same as parents putting shoes on a baby. Their feet are pretty much useless at this stage so they don’t need bloody shoes. Socks will suffice, you over achieving parents.

Anyway, Tiny Monster has a friend. His name is Geoffrey and he is a couple of months older than her. I grew up with Geoffrey’s father and our parents grew up togethe...

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