CHANNILLO

The tip of the iceberg
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Can we be really honest here for a moment? When you hear the term “Stay at home mom” what sort of visions pop into your head? Playdates and yoga pants? Minivans and cherrios? Mom jeans? Probably one or all the above correct? There was always this stigma behind the phrase stay at home mom.The words themselves are harmless. The job itself? Endless. I don’t mind the phrase or the title “Stay at Home Mom”, what I hate is the negative connotations that people have come to associate with it. I’ll delve more into specific examples as the series progresses.

For some women they chose to embrace it, other’s they steered clear. What did I do? Well, when you’re 21, with no degree, no source of steady income and a newborn and a husband who has all of the above and health insurance..you can’t help but see that logistically staying at home while he worked made the most sense. I did the best I could with what I had. For the first three years I was so focused on my little angel’s well-being (keeping him alive, well fed, clean and stimulated) I didn’t have a minute to think about what my “title” was. Maybe that’s the goal after all huh? But when my oldest turned 4, something changed inside me. In a year  he would be off to kindergarten.  Bells went off in my brain. One day my child will be a child no more. He will not require my assistance in anything or supervision with menial tasks around the house.

I needed my own “thing” apart from my kids. I didn’t want them growing up and realizing only Papa had a job. I was raising two boys and telling them that men and women are equal, and I wanted to lead by example. Where to start though? The one thing that always made sense to me was music. Music was my first love. So I did what every other person in the early 2000’s did. I started to blog and tumble. I was late to the social media game, but eventually I caught on with what was what and haven’t looked back since. It was on twitter I found the website that sparked a flame in me I didn’t know could even be ignited.

Long story short I starting writing music reviews. In the beginning I got paid. It was very little, and very sporadic but I did, which of course made me feel validated. Time went on, I climbed the virtual ladder, and the money stopped. The more I did, the less I made. But I was happy. I had a purpose “outside” of the home, I was learning new things, stretching my comfort zone, and becoming the me of my future. I also began writing poetry again, something I hadn’t done since high school, and let me tell you that was not pretty. I used to rhyme. Enough said right? I was bitten by the bug and I wanted to do it all. Run a website, write poetry, and most importantly get paid for doing it all (silly me right? I was so young and dumb).

Now, when you tell people you run a website, it involves music and you get to have musicians as friends they will be SUPER IMPRESSED. Case and point. I had a friend from high school, let’s call her Tanya. We reconnected through facebook, and did the whole “So what have you been up to the past 5 years” ordeal, and when it got to me I laid it all out to which she replied. “Wow that’s so cool!”  “How much do you make?”

TIRES SQUEAL SOUNDS

**Side Rant Alert***(WHY DO PEOPLE ASSUME IT’S OK TO ASK A WRITER OF ANY KIND HOW MUCH MONEY THEY MAKE? I would never ask a butcher, baker or candlestick maker those questions. SO RUDE.)

Anyways, I felt no need to lie to her.I told her the truth. Zilch. Zero. Denada. I do what I do because I love it and maybe one day soon the money factor will change.

To which she replied something along the lines of it’s just a hobby then, and I quote,

“You’re just a stay at home mom.”

YOU’RE JUST A STAY AT HOME MOM. Well.. There was quite a bit I wanted to say, but no matter how angry I get I still hate confrontation. So I unfriended the bitch moved on.

You can’t control what people think, and you can’t let other people’s opinions get to you. Blah blah blah, we know this. It was etched into our brains as children right? But it still succccckkks when someone not only vocalizes something you're insecure about , but then validates it. To her I was nothing more than Holly Housewife with a fun little hobby that may as well have been selling tupperware. And it hurt. A lot.

Thankfully, I have a husband who sees me as a human being first and foremost. He supports whatever I do.  If you have someone like that in your life, hang on and don’t let go. I  also have a close circle of strong women who call me out on my bullshit, cheer me on and have my back.

As for the haters, I don’t know what to do about them. Honestly the biggest hater is the one living inside my brain, and I’m trying to figure out how to shut him up. If you’ve made it this far, welcome to my new series. I’m vocalizing my insecurities and showing them off like an award winning pie. Maybe in the light they won’t seem so bad, right?

 

Next: Surprise!

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C.A.Gallinger      2/07/18 3:46 PM

I can tell that I am going to enjoy this new series. The way you write is so relate-able and refreshing! Certainly things that have gone through my own mind. I look forward to reading more! I am a SAHM, not necessarily by choice, but life happens and it takes you to weird and wonderful places.

KerriannCurtis      2/07/18 3:48 PM

Thank you so much! And I love your last line, "life happens and it takes you to weird and wonderful places" That's so true!

Kelly FumikoWeiss      2/02/18 12:39 PM

I love this in so many ways. You are incredible. We are all so many things. Never "just" anything. And your passion for music and poetry and art transcend anything someone would try and define. I'm sooo looking forward to this series. I have gone back and forth being a SAHM on and off for my daughter's whole life. There's so much wrapped up in that. Can't wait to dive into it all with you!

KerriannCurtis      2/02/18 12:44 PM

Thank you so much Kelly, and you're right. We are all so much more, and there is so much wrapped up in making this decision. There is no right or wrong answer, there is only what is best for us and our children. I'm excited to share this journey with you!