Hormones and neurotransmitters and genes controlling me instead of me controlling them. The loss of my downward causality. Like groups that let ideas control them.

I took out another cigarette, lighting it with my hand shaking and inhaled deep. I could feel it coming and needed to make it home fast. Randy had struck the right nerve at the wrong time. The people I care about have to be kept at some distance. It was better off that way.

For everyone.

 

*    *    *

 

I plopped down on my couch and checked my phone. I felt anxious. Stressed. My nerves frayed. What was coming was inevitable. I pulled Elliot from my purse, hugging the aging doll against me, looking for some kind of comfort in the fam...

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