Hello. My name is Georgia, and I am a compulsive liar.
Isn’t this the part where you all should say, “Hi Georgia”? I feel like we all need to be sitting in a church basement to have my secrets acknowledged by everyone.
But I definitely mean it. I am a compulsive liar. Yet, I’m also the most trustworthy person you will ever meet. If I make a promise, then I always follow through. I promise that the next paragraph is 100% truth.
I’m not sure exactly when my lies started, but for as long as I can remember, this is how I have been. I’m going to share with you the stories of my love life. I can’t promise you that everything I tell you will be the truth, for some of the men, I’m not even sure what is true anymore. I will promise that the first line for every single man is true. I can give you that much. Every single man, except for four, I met on the internet.
I don’t know what I expect to happen from sharing all of this. Maybe it is a way to purge myself from the lies and start fresh? Maybe it’s just a way to see what I can remember to be true and what is a lie. I’ve lied about, and to, almost every single man I’ve ever been involved with. I expect what will follow is going to be a mixture of the movie Easy A’s personal narrative but in the style of the book A Million Little Pieces in the sense that it will be an elaborative, overindulged memoir where fact and fiction run intertwined.
Chapter 1: John
John was the first person I ever wanted to kiss.
I met John when I moved with my family to this small town in the middle of nowhere. My father had been transferred for his job and we needed to move so that he’d have an easier commute. The town was nice, and the house we had was nice. But for a five-year-old, the transition was a little bit difficult.
Thankfully, I made friends quite easily. I’ve always been the type of person who makes friends easily. Just one street over there was a girl, Erica, who was a year older than me, who would become my best friend. She wasn’t very popular, but neither was I, and we fit well together.
John was the bad boy, the one who was always getting into fights at school. He was considered to be “slow” and back then, there was no support for people like that. I’m sure now John would have had an individualized education plan and been perfectly adjusted in the classroom, but not back then. He had a lot of anger, which made him dangerous, which also made me like him all the more.
John had the biggest crush on Erica. Even when we were that young, he was always interested in her. When we all reached around 10 or 11, John started getting interested in kissing games. I was just starting to get interested in boys myself, so I was drawn to these games. Erica never really cared for these games, but since I was playing, she wanted to play too.
I remember my first kiss vividly. Behind my house, there was a lilac bush. It was a large bush too, big enough for us to climb in. It was perfect for our little games. We would sit in one of the areas that had been carved out to make a little sitting place. This was hidden enough that we didn’t have to fear anyone catching what we were doing.
One day, as we were sitting there, John suggested that we play an actual kissing game. Up to that point, it had just been some light touching and a lot of childish giggling. Maybe a few kisses on the cheeks very quickly, but that was it. That day, he wanted to actually kiss.
For 10-year-old me, that was my dream!! I just wanted to kiss him! I wanted to do it as I had seen in the movies. Apparently, I was in a big hurry to grow up.
In our little hideaway, there was Erica, her cousin, John and me. John decided to share the rules that he had made up. Two people would kiss, and they would have to kiss for as long as the other people counted. He pulled out two dice and said that we would roll them for the time.
First up were John and Erica. I rolled the dice for the time and rolled a three. Erica’s cousin and I were to count for three seconds while John and Erica kissed. They smushed their lips together as we counted by Mississippi's. Erica blushed as she pulled away from John. Next, it was me and Erica’s cousin. Thankfully, Erica rolled a four for us, so I didn’t have to kiss him very long.
But then it was my turn with John. He didn’t want to be kissing anyone other than Erica, and I didn’t want to be kissing anyone but him. It was actually a good set up for John because Erica couldn’t kiss her cousin so she always had to kiss John.
I moved closer to John, my heart racing, my palms getting all sweaty. Erica’s cousin had the dice, he rolled a two! A lousy TWO! I was so disappointed. How could he ruin my first kiss with John like that?! All I can remember is his lips barely touching mine. Just long enough to feel the pressure. I’m not even sure that you could call it a kiss. But I was determined to have another go at it.
The next round, I gave the dice to Erica. I prayed that she rolled a number higher than two. She rolled, and to my surprise, it was a TEN! I was elated!! I could tell that John was not happy about the time he had to kiss me, but I just wanted a longer kiss with him. I leaned in, and Erica and her cousin started to count. Since we were so young, we didn’t really know what to do. I had no idea I had to move my lips to kiss properly. And I’m not sure John did either. We basically just sat there with our lips pressed against each other for ten glorious seconds. I can remember it was just long enough that I was starting to need to breathe again. I didn’t want our lips to part, but I also really needed air!
We played this game a few more times, and Erica told me later that John would come over to her house to “practice” for it. They eventually started dating a few years later and stayed together for a long time. But I will never forget the first time that I got to kiss John, and will always consider him to be my first kiss.