I’m not sure how Mom and my sister communicate, but it’s at a speed faster than messaging. I swear my sister was ringing the house phone before Mom even got to her car.

     “Mom is devious, right?” my sister said. “She’s totally an evil genius.”

     “She’s evil,” I said, “but ‘genius’ is a stretch.”

     “Genius” is not a term I use loosely. Einstein was a genius. Chuck Woolery is not.

     Mom’s plan to reunite me with C-- had one major flaw, which was that she told me about her plan to reunite with me C--. All I need to do to thwart the plan is not show up on Friday. “Why,” I asked, “does Mom only meddle in m...

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