I have this bad habit of clipping my toenails while sitting on the bed. I always send that first big toenail skidding across the floor like a hockey puck and it lands under the bureau, reminding me to corral the rest. As of yesterday, I couldn’t tell you how many times I’ve done that.

     What I should do is keep the clippers in the bathroom and clip my nails sitting on the toilet like most normal humans, but I’m not most normal humans. I don’t like to sit on the toilet any longer than I have to.

     This goes back to a fear I have about my old goldfish coming up through the pipes to seek his revenge. I fully understand that I grew up in a different house and this is irrational and that Orange Crush wasn’t ill-tempered...

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