It's Father's Day, and I am really struggling. I visited the grave - my first time since his birthday. I took flowers this time. Well, succulents that don't need a lot of water. The plan is to next get an arrangement of silks, but I think for that I'll talk to the memorial caretakers about a vase that I can put in the ground instead of a Shepherd's Hook. 

My year of firsts is almost up, and still, I would give anything to have my dad back. 

I know I've been neglectful here, and I am either going to change that or close it all down. Perhaps it's just today, but I am feeling very defeated right now. 

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