It appears that we can only select male students for our Transition Year programme. Or, and this is distinctly possible, Linda (who reviews the applications they submit) deliberately choose a boy again this year because she still finds it utterly rib-breakingly hilarious that last year’s teenager developed a massive crush on me - much to my horror.

She has messed up if that was her cunning plan because Russell, my minion for the next two weeks, already has a girlfriend. I suspect Russell may have more than one girlfriend in fact because the girl who was waiting outside the library this evening had a very different voice to the one who rang him on the issue desk phone at lunchtime.

Russell's love life is not my concern. My only focus is on getting our float ready for the Saint Patrick’s...

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