You have been in the store looking for the perfect Valentine's Day gift for what seems like an eternity.

You've missed birthdays. Several close relatives have died. You now have a beard that would look at home if you were a member of ZZ Top. Your clothes have started to biodegrade on their own.

How long have you been here?

You look at your watch:

HOW HAVE I ONLY BEEN HERE FOR FIVE MINUTES.

As you stand dumbfounded in disbelief, you realize that you are also actually holding a Valentine's Day card.

You barely remember looking at cards, but at some point you must have stood in front of that giant wall of them deciding between funny or smooshy or ‘For Her’ or ‘From Him’ or ‘Love’ or ‘Like’ or ‘Meh, You’re Okay&rsqu...

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