Dear God,

     I’ve decided to do this journal through fibromyalgia, which I call the "intruder," and coming back to You.  Both are rough and require me to dig deeper into myself, whether I want to or not, to get better.  Always scary.  But, I’m going to try to do it.  Fingers crossed!  I’m sure the first few of these will be a little sterile and only informative, but as I lay my soul out bare, the flow will be there, and as You work more in me, I’ll start to reflect You and so will my words.  Sooooooo…

     I had had the signs and symptoms for years, even some reaching back into my childhood.  At 51 here, these little minor aches, pains, headaches, and everything else Fibromyalgia is, is now full-blown and seems to be overrunning me like an enemy in a war.  And I’m not winning the battle, not even a little skirmish here and there.  I couldn’t do anything about it then, just as I can do nothing about it now.  The hardest thing to accept is the pain flare-ups and the horrible exhaustion.  It keeps me from living my life how I want to.

     How much I want to not accept this is, I’m going to another doctor in a few days for a second opinion.  Maybe if I hear another doc say it, it might be better.  Maybe not.  I don’t know.

     And this has all been in the worst timing.  Here, my life, up until this last few months ago, about six to be exact, I was the happiest person in the world.  I’m newly married, 2 years and 1 month, to my true soul mate, writing professionally, and cooking, which relaxes me.  Things were good, great, wonderful, happy, blissfully so.  Then, bam!  One symptom flared up, then another, then another, and another, until, here I am, where I am.  And I don’t like where I am.  I want my life back, before this intrusion intruded.

     My husband and I got to have my dog, Sophie, for the weekend.  My ex had some things to do and we got her for the weekend.  I was able to get up and feed her and give her treats, but that was about it.  He took her out every time she had to go out.  I felt so bad, because I used to be able to and now I can’t.  I used to take her out, and she used to drag me down the hill behind our house to the spot where she goes, and I used to get so mad at her for that, well, not maybe totally mad.  Now, I hate that I can’t take her out, and can’t even share the responsibility with my husband, Lee, on doing it.  I’m sure she wonders what’s wrong with me, but I can’t really explain it to her in a way she’d understand, and she understands everything you say.  Very, very smart dog.  Maybe more about her later.  Yeah, probably more about her later. 

     Today is Lee and I’s 25 month wedding anniversary, so we go to a certain place every month for our anniversary.  We went there on the day we got married and have kept the tradition every month.  Mexican.  Megga yummy!  Although, all I can eat there now is rice and beans with a pop of sour cream.  Food allergies make me sick with everything else up there, which sucks, because I used to love their beef tacos.

     Lee has taken Sophie home, 1 hour away, and he should almost be there by now.  So, I think I’ll go lay down until he gets home.

                                             Love, Debbie~11-21-16