Then, I start getting all these text notifications on my phone, and when I look at them, I realize Elise signed me up on some dating sites. I hit download on all of them in the app store — at least they're free — and soon my phone is a flurry of activity.

When I open the apps, I see Elise has created a profile for me in each one, repeating the same bio info and picture. I shake my head. At least the pics are decent. The bio information is wildly inappropriate and hilarious, more about being a sexy librarian and stuff like that. Good God.

Before leaving the library, I brush my teeth and put on some makeup in the bathroom. I'm not going home before going out, so what I'm wearing, black leggings and a black tunic, worn with chunky turquoise jewelry, will have to...

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