“The way out of a trap is to study the trap itself, learn how it is built.”

– Henepola Gunaratana, Sri Lankan Theravada Buddhist monk

Imagine a soldier returning from war, dressed in camouflage and carrying over 40 kilograms of gear: Kevlar helmet, weapon, rucksack, and assault pack. His tour of duty is over, but he remains convinced that a war is raging and he is vulnerable to attack.

This was the analogy I shared with a client who sought help with self-esteem issues originating in childhood. She had grown up with an angry and abusive father who constantly waged war against his family.

In self-esteem sessions, we often look for core beliefs—the mental constructs we’ve “bought into” and become bound by. For this client, her actions...

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