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The past few months I have found myself in a place I wasn’t sure I’d ever be. I’m now referred to as someone’s mom. This title has given me much happiness and some sadness all at the same time. To be honest, during my pregnancy, because of my losses I never allowed myself to believe I would get here.

What if it didn’t happen for me again? It would be too crushing and too much to bear. I couldn’t allow myself to even fill my head with wonderful dreams of what was to be.  I couldn’t fully enjoy the pregnancy, the shower, the decorating.

What if I have to return these gifts?

What if I have to return this crib?

What if I have to take down these wall decals?

How would I tell everyone?

What if?

What if….


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