[Oh geez. This whole time I've been assuming you were a man. My deepest apologies if you're a... If you aren't. And if you can check other orifices. I imagine as a guy it's less work, now that I think about it. So as a gal, having to do work the guys don't, for presumably less pay, isn't fair. (I should probably be using Ma'am from here on out in instances of formality. It would certainly explain the whole 'second class' titling thing with your job description. That’s just garbage they do that to you as a woman. Why does this country still have such a damn far ways to go with multi-gender equality?) you'd think we just discovered it.

Anyway, Boy I could really go for a 5 pack of Juicy Fruit right now. Wow! Did you just now get a tingle in the back of your mouth thinking about the taste of a succulent 5 pack of Juicy Fruit gum after reading it? I think THAT kind of moment... it's like- it has some of the power often associated with orgasm, in my mind. I mean maybe in some cases it’s even better, as long as you keep it in your mouth there's no mess to clean up; the ‘gum’ I mean. Personally, I hate sex clean up to stay with previously mentioned objects it's not dissimilar to like- trying to sink into a 5 pack of Juicy Fruit that's been in a car on a hot summer's day. The smell's a little more agreeable in the gum's case though, barring an old 5 pack of Clove gum from a hot, summers day car. Though that smell might be comparable to Coitus musk.) Oh man, there goes the tingle back of my mouth again; for the Juicy Fruit. Remember Grape Big League Chew? Oh my Anti Lord. The… gums in the back of my mouth are 'On Fiyahhhh' as some singer from a band I can't place once sang off their first album.]

Epilouge Pages: (Meant to Proceed the original letter)

 

Juicy Fruit®; Wrigley Jr. Company® circa 1989 (The year of our respective lords)

Get your skis shined up
Grab a stick of Juicy Fruit®

The taste is gonna move yah

Take a sniff...

Pull it out...

The taste is gonna move yah when you pop it in your mouuuuuuth (ouuuuuth)

Juicy Fruit® is gonna move yah

It chews so soft it gets right to yah

 

Juicy Fruit®, the taste- the taste- the taste is gonna move yahhh (ahhh)

----

 

Wrigley’s® Brand ‘Juicy Fruit’® chewing gum and antiquated ‘Plen T PaK’® logo are registered products and properties of Wrigley Gum and Confections, and is so much better than DoubleMint®, Spearmint® and WinterFresh®, if I do say so myself. That being written, Lyrics to the Juicy Fruit® Jingle and the censored pictures of its old package have been used without permission. Again, I’m not a lawyer. Oh, I’m forgetting Wrigley’s® Big Red® Brand Chewing Gum. God damn! Did you ever just put a whole five pack of ‘the Red®’ in your mouth and ignite the burning salvation of Christ’s 'Sacred Heart®' fire out of it; the foil paper case torn into one long peel and wrappers just littering the nape of your parent’s freshly vacuumed living room carpet? Oh, the power of the taste of fake cinnamon. You ever lick the wrapper for the remaining cinnamon dust and it tasted more like the foil paper. Ughh. What a disappointment! You ever chew on the paper and have it hit a filling? God Damn that was painful! Good thing that only happened to my infant teeth. How do you figure it is teeth nerves conduct electricity like that? I mean, it’s not like a battery where you close a circuit. (Granted I’m not an electrician or a lawyer; as previously stated) Although I can imagine the human body with a tooth filling being like a circuit and the foil of the gum wrapper some how closing it and causing that fucking pain. That makes me think of some unrealized potential we all have within us and that even the littlest thing in the world can bring it out. I mean a gum wrapper for Krishna®’s sake, who would have thought it could cause that much discomfort? Not me!  

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CHANNILLO

Brian's First Letter to Gary... The Prison Guard: The Lost Pages
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The Lost page:
 

 [Oh geez. This whole time I've been assuming you were a man. My deepest apologies if you're a... If you aren't. And if you can check other orifices. I imagine as a guy it's less work, now that I think about it. So as a gal, having to do work the guys don't, for presumably less pay, isn't fair. (I should probably be using Ma'am from here on out in instances of formality. It would certainly explain the whole 'second class' titling thing with your job description. That’s just garbage they do that to you as a woman. Why does this country still have such a damn far ways to go with multi-gender equality?) you'd...

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