But here comes the hard part: even if we weren’t now playing –‘Brian’s Bargain,’ I mean– and my writing the letter wasn’t the ‘non-Commandable (sic) command,’ and you were commanding it of me, I just don’t know if I could bring myself to send it. It might actually be grounds to find ourselves at an official Impasse.

Foremost, regardless your accomplished telling of my woes… it just doesn’t decree my diction.

You couldn’t quite capture my quintessence.

But don’t worry, that’s a good thing.

Thieving is skeeving, after all.

Which reminds me, UberFem still has my knives. For a supposed supreme advocate of equality, at least as much as ‘uber’ conveys -albeit she never self-professed said prefix- she still hasn’t reached out to even broach the idea of returning them. Who knows, maybe she’s still trying to get them sharpened for me. But the sentimental value ascribed those knives alone…

The whole thing might be too much of a mainlined reality shock for her to bear. Bianca I mean… regarding receiving the letter you want me to write.

You know what though, as a show of good faith; ‘Brian’s Bargain’ and -what I’m going to assume will be- your acceptance of the ‘Seated Commander Position’ -as per the ‘rules of instigation’- notwithstanding, I’m going to do you a solid and put together the letter you composed, regardless.

For ‘posting’ anyhow.

There’s just no way I could ‘actually’ send it along, George.

Not for ‘realsies.’

Aside from the full admission of posting her letters for others to see, what you’ve pieced together isn’t necessarily something I haven’t written for her in one fashion or another. On more than one to five- maybe even eight different occasions, my mentioning her being in prison specifically has kind of been my thing, so much so, it probably comes off a little clichéd and to lessened affect now.

I don’t make this decision lightly or solely based on not wanting to do it either. I don’t know if you’ve read some of her more recent admissions as yet, but it turns out another woman has been composing the content she was sending me. So, I’m still trying to figure out how to respond to that in proper kind. Mimicking her maneuver with your work would hardly be in keeping with the kind of choreographed condition kyboshing I pride myself in. Even though I probably I had her idea first.

You also took far too many… ‘foody’ freedoms with your liberties of assumption. Not that I’m like- at all bothered. Your abilities to prey on my insecurities by playing with them in the letter and using my suspicions of what she’s been up to in hers by trying to ‘take my technique’ yourself are commendable. Even your going so far as to call back to and take advantage of a nightmare date I conveyed in confidence is an expertly fired salvo made all the more poetic considering

you’d be making me load a piece of my own heavy ordnance; a round that would rock the series to its foundation and cause it to crumble, and then fire it upon myself, speaks to the multi-plane strategist I’ve seemingly turned you into.

Listen, I know all of this has been a pretty big ask on my part, involuntarily involving you in this -not that putting someone into a position is an ‘ask’ per se, more like a ‘tell’ if we define it in terms of the game I just instigated- it’s just… you’re the only other Brian Dykeman I know, George. So, since you went to the trouble to put the letter together, how could I not append to your accusation I continued with writing you simply for the sake of having additional subject matter, specifically considering there is such a lack of content on the internet that isn’t free… or the great American pursuit of self-aggrandized fame and trying to be funny.

It’s really the least I could do.

I must write though, I was a little disenfranchised you had to attack the popularity of the series.

Although, if I can make a brief aside, I want to formally thank you for paying the five dollars required to subscribe and hope you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read thus far. It couldn’t have been easy to approach, being so close to the material, let alone getting over the hump of reading the letter to Gary or the Astro Projection letter, which are complete ‘time sucks’ and took longer to compose than I care to admit or presently reflect upon. Albeit on the one hand I was trying to make a friend and on the other attempting to relate a revolution of the mind, respectively, so you can’t really blame the fact those particular endeavors weren’t

exactly… shining examples of brevity; not forgetting the ‘Brian’s Bargain’ Rules pertaining to Impasse, to wit, you don’t need to reread the website iteration at this juncture as it doesn’t differ from the hard copy you currently have in hand; albeit it’s never a bad idea to ‘stay fresh’ when it comes to rules.

But let’s be honest, it’s doing alright, the series, I mean... By no means is it as pleasant, perfect and popular as the Monet-like skies of your letter stock, but it’s doing decent enough for what and where it is. And unless I’m trapped in some meta-surrealist, self-imposed dream where the ‘chef prepares a special menu (specifically) for your delight’ or I’m like- somehow making it all up, you’re forgetting these things are actually going out to people in the mail. So, besides those individuals, I venture to bet there’s like- you know, at least two others in addition to them and you that see it; albeit there is a strong possibility they just peruse the pictures, thanks to all my sentence starting conjunctions. But as David Aames joked about Julie Gianni buying her own album: “…if you can reach one person.” And yes, I’m well aware no one wants to actually ‘pay’ to read stuff online when so much can already be found and freely fondled across the frequencies. Call it credulity, but lofty naivete aside, I’d like to believe Thomas Tipp’s trumpeting that: “People will read again!” talks to ascribing value to one’s work while eschewing alms of adulation and ostentatious bleats of ‘audacity’ ascribed any and all

associated affectation.

You know what though, if we are being technical about everything I’ve been doing, she sent her letters to me. And as per my understanding of music publishing and the ownership of masters -the letters, as per possession being 9/10ths of the law- are basically my property now and ultimately, I can do whatever I choose with them. Same goes with your letters. Now, I know what you’re thinking right this instant, but before you get any lofty notions about what you can do with what hold in your hands, the difference in my position is, the letters I’ve sent you contain artistic content that regardless your possession of them, to a certain extent, still actually belong to me under certain artistic, intellectual property rights and claims.

So, you know, believe about any and all of that what you will, I’m not a lawyer, but you have to admit it sounds about right.

Anyhow, without further prolonged ado… about nothing, here is… y(our) letter: 

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CHANNILLO

Brian(w)'s 8th Letter to Brian(e): Part III ('Heavy Arty')
Series Info | Table of Contents

But here comes the hard part: even if we weren’t now playing –‘Brian’s Bargain,’ I mean– and my writing the letter wasn’t the ‘non-Commandable (sic) command,’ and you were commanding it of me, I just don’t know if I could bring myself to send it. It might actually be grounds to find ourselves at an official Impasse.

Foremost, regardless your accomplished telling of my woes… it just doesn’t decree my diction.

You couldn’t quite capture my quintessence.

But don’t worry, that’s a good thing.

Thieving is skeeving, after all.

Which reminds me, UberFem still has my knives. For a supposed supreme advocate of equality,...

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