Hello Brian,

I just wanted to write and I 'guess,' thank you for the extensive magazine analysis you provided. While it was quite the experiment- and I don't know how to say this in a way that comes across nicely- it was MORE than rather brain 'numbing,' if I'm being honest. 

Then again... Maybe that was partially your point? To take what Vanity Fair was able to do on its own and recreate it? 

Great job in that case.

If I'm being honestly and upfront though, I actually think the 'idea' of you putting yourself through the misery of tallying and categorizing the magazine in such a way was probably more entertaining than the letter itself ultimately was.  

Something about picturing you hunched over the magazine, turning the pages back and forth and doggedly trying to determine whether it was content or not and then your having to spend even more time writing about it makes me laugh...Not what it is you inevitably wrote... to be clear.

Is that Philosophy?!

I apologize* this probably sounds -whoops, I mean- 'reads' SO mean, but its making me laugh... 

And it's 'SO' hard to stop.

The more I think about dumping on your 'material' effort

by making light of it not paling to your physical effort I'm brought back to [a] fit of laughter. 

So, thank you for that.

*(Not a literal apology, more of a sympathetic one. Something of a turn of phrase/empty platitude 'I apologize.'  You know... Similar to the way people throw out 'I'm sorry's' for things that don't even require apologies, just on account of it's somehow become a polite thing to say instead of it's real intended purpose, in effect: making real apologies seemingly meaningless too. [Since we can't measure whether or not it's just an indication of regret or just another 'Thanks,' or 'Have a nice day.'])

And what can I 'write' about the inclusion of your own creative 'Ad Endorsements,' as it were? 

They were certainly... 'Creative,' to at least... 'write' the very least, but- Hey, those items you endorsed were things you used throughout the course of your day, right? 

If they were, I can't help but notice there was no toilet and/or toilet paper included amidst the items. You know, with your particular brand of candor I just can't imagine you would have left those items off the list had you used them.

...'Anyway,' word to the wise: (And take it from me) Constipated is one thing you don't ever want to be. Especially

in prison.

Geez, am I coming across like a giant phallus? I really hope so, especially after putting in such an effort to read your letter. 

(Still laughing quite hard, at how I'm coming off... Though not because of your letter... to be clear. Laughing that is.) 

Well, I suppose your letter is the direct object concerning and eliciting my laughter, to give credit where it is due, but it's [not] because of its content.

It's my response to them.

Make sense?

That's giant Phallus!

However, to be fair, you do continue to surprise me with what you send. >So, there is that.

And while it may be conceivable you aren't the first person to send another a letter doing the same, it can't have been done that many times before. 

So congratulations on my assumption of its originality.

I also like that you included Elijah Wood in one of your final images -I would wreck him AND his Radio Flyer- but I have no idea who any of those other men are.

As for T-Rex, having real feathers or otherwise, I'm afraid I've already heard of that one. Sorry... (not

'sorry' type sorry. More like: Sympathy for you, 'Sorry.' And empathy is the one that matters, so don't take too much from my offering it up either.)

Mind not blown. 

Try again.

It may also surprise you to also know we have that copy of Vanity Fair here. Although I don't have access to the Dior Sampler you wrote SO repeatedly about returning to and smelling until it was all used up. Samplers are almost always torn from the magazines. Warden T. Brown doesn't believe smelling good is a right in prison. 

It's a privilege. 

And that privilege costs about five bucks a stick at the commissary.

I don't mean to sound mean again... Or maybe I do, but at one point in trying to read your letter without nodding off, I was actually reminded of this anal retentive supervisor I once had. He was so insistent about how all the chemicals in the darkroom had to be put away, had I not needed the money I would have quit for that reason alone. 

Always with the labels facing out; Always with the full bottles on the other side of the room so they wouldn't be opened before a previously opened container was completely empty; Always with the two inches between each clipped and 

drying print; Always with the no smoking, and rules upon rules upon... 

Facing page ad turn.

(Here I am cracking myself up even further. Did you see that coming?)

I bet you didn't.

Boom.

Mind Blown.

And with that, I have decided to rise to your subtly suggested challenge and have included a Vanity Fair letter to the editor addressing the concerns you raised. Looking at the submission instructions it would seem they only take email and since I don't have that privilege, it's your letter to do with as you will. 

Do you dare care to type it up and forward the message to the Vanity Fair via email for them to hack up and claim as their own?

You did dare me in so many words by my understanding to write it after all.

Tender loving, mind numbing- Sorry, not sorry- care, 

Bianca

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Vanity Fair Letter to the Editor:

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CHANNILLO

Bianca's Vanity Fair response and Letter to the Editor (1)
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Hello Brian,

I just wanted to write and I 'guess,' thank you for the extensive magazine analysis you provided. While it was quite the experiment- and I don't know how to say this in a way that comes across nicely- it was MORE than rather brain 'numbing,' if I'm being honest. 

Then again... Maybe that was partially your point? To take what Vanity Fair was able to do on its own and recreate it? 

Great job in that case.

If I'm being honestly and upfront though, I actually think the 'idea' of you putting yourself through the misery of tallying and categorizing the magazine in such a way was probably more entertaining than the...

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