Newbury Township, Indiana--

     She so didn’t want to do this.  It was rapidly becoming the worst day of her life.  Snowflakes fell down from the cloudy, blew in the wind, off the trees, and more landed on the ground.

     She directed the one-horse buggy to pull up to Aaron Brower’s farm off the dirt road, now covered with a little snow.  At first glance, it didn’t look like he was home.  She thought she’d just come back later, maybe tomorrow, maybe the next day, maybe even the next.  Her horse whinnied, and Aaron came around the side of the small, clapboard house.  He was bundled up in his heavy coat and hat.

     “Well, hello there!” he said enthusiastically and helped her down from the buggy.  He kissed her cheek.  “I’m doing some work on my buggy around the corner, behind the house.  Getting it ready for an extra person, or two, for once our children start coming along.”  He winked at her and grinned.

     She was about to make small talk, but totally chickened out.

     “IIIIIII can’t ddddddo this,” she said softly to herself.

     “What?” Aaron asked, moving his face to around where her lowered head was.

     “I cccccan’t  dddddddo this,” she said a little louder.

     “Slow down and take your time.  Do what, Cecily?”

     It took her a minute to find her voice again.

     “IIIIII can’t, I ccccccan’t mmmmmmarry you.”

     As she lifted her head, their faces met, and he gazed into her eyes.

     “I don’t understand.” His head was cocked slightly to one side.  “Why?”

     “Ddddddo you wwwwwant a list?”

     “What do you mean?  I thought we loved each other.  I love you.”

     “IIIIII love yyyyyyou, too.”

     “Then, what’s wrong?”

     “IIIIIIII can’t ssssstay here.  IIIIIII cccccan’t lllllllive here.  IIIIII don’t bbbbbelong here.”

     “Cecily Abrams, what are you trying to say?”

     “IIIIII can’t mmmmmmarry you.”

     “It’s just nervousness.  You’ll feel better day after tomorrow when we take our vows.”  He paused for a moment, then continued.  “I’m a little nervous, too, actually, but it’s normal.  It’s a big life change, leaving our Mamas and Dats, and being on our own.”

     “It’s nnnnnot that.  IIIIIII can’t bbbbe a ggggggood wwwwwife to you.”

     “Why not?”

     She hesitated, swallowed hard, and then just blurted it out.

     “IIIIIIIII lllllllove the wwwwwworld tttttttoo much.  IIIIIII know wwwwwe aren’t sssssssupposed ttttttto, but IIIIIIIIII do.”

     “The world?”

     “TTTTTTTvs, clothes, pppppretty cccccccars.  Aaaaaaall of it.”

     “I like some of it, too, to be truthful, but we have to squelch those urges down and mind our faith.”

     “Bbbbbbut I cccccccan’t.”

     “You have to try.”  Aaron paused and went on.  “Be here on our wedding day.  It’ll be alright.  Let’s take our vows.  You’ll feel different.”

     “Aaaaaaaron, I wwwwwwon’t.”

     “When did all this start?”

     “A lllllllong tttttttime ago.  IIIIIIII had tttttttto go ttttttto the city ttttttto get something fixed fffffffor Dddddat’s tractor, bbbbbefore he llllearned how tttttto ddddddo it himself.  IIIIIIII loved how the ggggggirls dressed, their ccccccclothes, jjjjjjewelry, shoes.  IIIIIII never felt ttttttruly Amish anymore.  Llllllllike I dddddidn’t bbbbbbelong here anymore.”

     Aaron gazed at Cecily intently.  His heart felt like it was shattering and falling into his feet.  This was not the way of their people, and he knew that she knew better than to feel this way about the outside world.

     “Cecily, I’m a bishop and we’re supposed to be getting married day after tomorrow.”

     Cecily could tell his dander was starting to surface.  What was she supposed to do, marry this man she would make miserable the rest of his life?  She was doing him a favor.  They wanted different things, yet what she wanted went against everything they had been raised to believe in.

     “IIIIII’m sorry,” Cecily told him quietly.

     “Why

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